This is a not a joke poem, or a serious poem. It is a half-serious poem. PEZ is awesome.
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PEZ, when I first met you
My tastebuds were knocked back
They didn't have a clue
For they were under attack
By the lovely squarish blocks
Emerging from plastic toys
Tasting much better than lox
Now listen girls and boys...
Pfefferminz
I don't know how to pronounce you
Pfefferminz
But baby I'm lost without you
Pfefferminz
You're the best candy ever made, oh
Pfefferminz
Please let some stranger secretly buy me a huge box of you and leave it on my doorstep as a surprise present because that would be very nice and I would like it and eat all of the box of PEZ happily and be happy and stuff!
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140,259 Literary Works • 673,077 Reviews
AET LINDING, YOU ARE THE BEST POET, EVERS.
Pez (is that the plural form) are wonderful things; at first I didn't like them, because they tasted like they should have been sweeter or more sour-- or, just like they were missing something. You know, for a stranger to buy you a lot of them, you'll have to give your address, and we're not so sure how well that turns out. Also. The heads. How many have you collected? ;D
Also, isn't it totally unfair that most retailers don't carry the pfefferminz? D: Originals should always be like, widely circulated. Always.
(this review is totally coherent and important. >.>)
June
These three lines are a bit confusing because of the first sentence. You tell the "girls and boys" to listen and then ignore them, instead speaking to Pfefferminz. It was a total change of focus.
However, I love that you wrote a poem about PEZ. They are delicious. You've made me hungry for them...
Happy Writing!
~Mira
Oh, I forgot to write something.
My name
THe UNIVERSE WAZ HERE
**********
I agree with Evi that you ignored the best part of pez, that they come in fun characters: disney, hello kitty, a variety of animals, even snoopy, right? God its been a long time since I've had some pez.
Can I request a poem about hershey's after this??
I find your rhyming slightly forced. Because, in actuality, isn't the phrase 'knocked down' or 'knocked out', not 'knocked back'? This is obviously a sad attempt to warp a phrase just so it can rhyme with 'under attack'. Also, your lack of punctuation is jarring, not to mention offensive to everything I believe in.
By adding '-ish' to the end of the word 'square', you depreciate the awesomeness of quadrilateral boxes and make the phrase sound immature, which it, of course, should not be. Secondly, the word 'lox' here could either refer to liquid oxygen or some type of glorified salmon. Or something in Yiddish. Clarify, or I will have to revoke your poetic license.
The introduction of the unpronounceable 'pfefferminz' is abrupt and terrifying to the faint-of-heart. This section is the most atrocious, reverting to an odd, uneven beat that sounds like it should be in the Lyrics section, perhaps backed by heavy percussion. However, the spontaneous addition of 'oh' in the fifth line is fantastically ingenious, balancing your rhythmic equilibrium and shining some deep, inner light into the true meaning of this poem. Bravo.
This final wish is both sensible and flow-disrupting. I think if you ended it with the word 'fluff' instead of 'stuff', you might be able to fix this issue and explore deeper into your love affair with PEZ.
(Also. Kidding. =P This is too true, and made me hungry for PEZ. But I'm genuinely disappointed that you didn't mention that cool there are PEZ dispensers of Disney Characters. Forgive my whimsical moment! ^_^)
I really think this poem belongs more in the dramatic poetry than the lyric poetry.
However, you should note that as long as we each give a critique to this poem, we can totally get rid of any of your cheating... and actually make a bigger ratio.
Anyway, why did you say this: "Pfefferminz"?
Also, I think this would be cool if you could combine PenguinAttack in here somehow... I first thought that you were making this an ode to her. And let's face it... PenguinAttack deserves all the odes in the world. <3
Cheeeeeaater. XD
You're too awesome Aet.
I'm thinking that this is a form of sabotoge for us lyrical poetry reviewers... but oh well. Here I go.
This line of this stanza is my favorite; I can feel the sorrow, the yearning, subtle but still apparent.
this was good, but you misspelled "boys," which is spelled boyz. As we all know but I'll overlook that typo to the underlying problem.
"Emerging from plastic toys"
not really working for me. Try a different verb there.
and "lovely squarish blocks" is a little redundant. Blocks are square, and squares are mostly blocks, unless we've been transported to a two-dimensional world and then they're simply squares.
But I digress,
good job on the poem.I'm too tired to find any humor but I'm sure it was quaint, quircky and fun all at once.
Good night
the uniefkjfkl;djf;sdlks